The Calm Before the Storm

This time next week I should know if I still have a job or not. On Thursday, the possible reality of the situation really set in and I packed up a box of my personal belongings and brought it home. I did the same thing yesterday. Ironically, as this potential reality set in I became incredibly and increasingly calm. I listened to remnants of conversations as they passed by my cube or as I passed them in the aisles. So many people are so worried. Me? I would describe myself as "wondered." I wonder if I will lose my job. I wonder what I will do if I do. I wonder what I will do if I don't. I wonder just how calm I will be one week from now ...

Fortunately, because of my time with the company, I am eligible for a severance that will help sustain us for more than a year, but after a week or two of chilling, I'd be throwing myself full force into a job search, which the company will provide assistance with for six months. Call me Sniff or Scurry but I'd be on the lookout for new some "cheddar." Yeah, I pulled out Who Moved My Cheese the other day.

I took my mom back home today. She spent the week with us and cared for the kids after school. I planned to just drop her off, say hi to my dad and then head back home. I wound up staying for several hours.

I don't know how, but me and my dad got to talking. He told me that by the time he entered the tenth grade most people thought he was only entering sixth grade. He said that he was very small for his age back then and it really bothered him. He said that his mother was approximately 5' 4" and that Granddaddy was only 5' 6". Luckily Daddy went through a growth spurt and eventually reached 5'10" or is he 5' 9"?

He told me that he and nine his siblings used to attend the church down the street from their home but his parents went to two different churches and that he often would walk to meet his mother and walk her home. He said he was the only one who would do this. I could see the pleasure and the pain in his face as he recollected those days. She died January 16, 1960, four and a half years before I was born. Daddy was 24 then.

Eventually my brother stopped by and our conversations became very lively. Lots of laughter. Lots of fun. It felt good. It felt great. Like it used to be before the big falling out of 1991. It feels good to have released so much of the bitterness. Occassionally it tries to creep back into my heart. Occassionally I remember the pain. Thank goodness those occassions are increasingly seldom.

I suppose not all memories can be happy ones but they can be cherished for making me appreciate the happy ones all the more and for helping me keep things in perspective.

Oh well, I'm home now with Dave on the couch in the family room. Jared on the other computer. Jordyn and Justin finger painting. Me blogging. Life etc. happening.

td

Lucky 13!

it was raining cats and dogs as we were waiting for the limo to pick us up. a random vegas tourist who noticed us asked if we were going to be married and when we told her that we were, she said, "it's supposed to be very good luck if it rains on your wedding day." again, it was raining cats and dogs (the size of tigers and great danes) so i considered her comment to be a very good omen.

january 18, 1993, thirteen years ago today, dave and i flew to las vegas and got married. just the two of us. it was one of the very best decisions of my life. sometimes people ask me if i regret not having a big wedding and my answer is still "no." i have never liked being the center of attention of large crowds. even at my bridal and baby showers, i felt uncomfortable so a big wedding just would not have been me. big weddings are beautiful and i like to attend them, but i'm much too simple a gal for one. having said that, i would like to renew our vows on our 25th anniversary in a church, in the presence of a small circle of family and friends with a small dinner party to follow. now that will be worth celebrating. in a day where so many marriages end in divorce, i think there should be more fanfare at a milestone anniversary. any two people can get married but not many can make it work for very long, but that's just my humble opinion...

anyway, three kids, two houses, several cars, and many gray hairs later here we are. still married and happily so. 13 years. i feel so lucky! so very blessed!

I've Been Tagged Too - Thanks Shannon

My pal Shannon "tagged" me so I get to tell you the following interesting facts about yours truly ...

4 jobs i've had
Communication Specialist (Ford Motor Co.)
Internal Communications and PR Specialist (fomoco)
Vehicle Programs Specialist (fomoco)
Central Contorl Operator (fomoco)

4 movies i could watch over and over
50 first dates (sappy i know, but love the concept of making someone fall in love with you every day)
the incredibles
shawshank redemption
kill bill 1&2 (violence to the nth degree but that Beatrix Kiddo is one bad mamma jamma and i love her and yeah, i know that makes 5, not 4 movies)

4 places i have lived
detroit, mi
hamtramck, mi
ypsilanti, mi
tbd

tv shows i like to watch
house
desperate housewives
csi (heather knows which ones)
good morning america

places i've been on vacation
florida
vegas
NOLA
Northern VA

websites i visit daily
knk
sbc yahoo
cnn.com
tv guide entertainment news

4 favorite foods
cheesecake
reuben with swiss, slaw, and russian dressing
deep dish pizza
chili

4 places i'd rather be
on the beach
in Dave's arms
someplace warm
scrappin a masterpiece

4 bloggers i'm tagging
meg
i don't know any other bloggers who haven't already been tagged

Blah-humbug!!!

It's eight days into the new year and I feel about ready to throw in the towel. I'm officially in a rut. I just can't seem to get my sh** together. Yet, if you were to ask me what is wrong, I'd have a hard time putting my finger on it. I just have this huge cloud of discontent hanging over me. I feel like I'm spinning my wheels. Churning. (How's that for a corporate buzz word - or maybe it's just a Ford thang.)

Could I be going through a mid-life crisis??? Could it be cabin fever (if it is, it's early this year - doesn't usually set in until late February/early March). Maybe it's just me coming down from the holiday high. At any rate I don't like how I am feeling. It might help to try and scrap it out. Yeah, I suppose that would be somewhat therapeutic, but again, I'm having such a hard time identifying the cause of this blah-ness.

I am giving some thought to going back to school. No, not for another master's degree or Ph.D, but just to take some "fun" classes at the local community college.

Been also thinking about bugging Dave to bring home the treadmill his dad said I could have. Am considering buying a new recumbent exercise bike too. Excerise would probably help with the blahs while also helping get rid of the 20 pounds I really need to lose.

Yadda yadda yadda. All this thinking and considering ... I need to quit thinking, and talking about about it and just BE about it.

To the few fairly regular readers of my boring blog, this entry has got to be about as exciting as watching paint dry. Sorry. Let's just hope I'm PMS-ing and will have something more interesting (or at least something less blah) to report next time.

ttfn
td