What if ...

I am really really sick ...

The numbness has moved down to my right and left legs. The left leg is not so bad but the right one is. I have been to emergency twice in as many weeks. I have an appointment with a neurologist on January 12. I am very very scared.

My CT scan and blood work have all come back normal but I am still numb. Disturbingly so. I still have full strength and range of motion but I am numb.

The emergency room doc I saw the other day didn't want to speculate but when I pressed him for the worst he thought it could be, he said "MS."

I feel scared. I feel guilty because my faith ... well it's trying to hold up but I have a wicked imagination. I do mean wicked. And is is getting the best of me. I have never had trouble sleeping but I do now and the nights are long and lonely even with Dave laying next to me.

One of the few things that keeps me somewhat grounded is I keep thanking God that this is happening to me and not one of my kids. As anguished as I am now, I'd be out of my mind if it were one of them.

Just when I think I am all cried out, my eyes prove me wrong. Like now ...

Okay okay, pulling myself back together for the umpteenth billion time.

Have done a little bit of scrapping. Mostly holiday pics of the kids. Oh yeah, and Dave has made awesome progress on my scrap room. Wanna see? I love the color. It's called Asparagus. The black square above my work area that you see on one of the walls is a magnetic blackboard that I made by using magnetic paint and the blackboard paint on top of that. Can you tell I've been watching DIY and HGTV?

For the first time I have my computer in my scrap space. What a concept!!! I love it and the fact that I have tons and tons of music loaded on my computer I am set. Plus I can watch DVDs on it too so. So awesome. At least it would be if I weren't numb and wondering and worrying.

My brother's boys, Quincy and Trevor are over now and it would be such a great photo op to get some pics of them with my kids, but I tell ya, I'm so uninspired these days. I could probably come up with some decent layouts of the five kids together but ... mayby/hopefully I'll bring myself to at least snap a few pics. I can always scrap them later.

Aw shucks, I take almost two months to write and it's almost a total downer post. If I'm lucky, nobody is still reading my blog.

Geez I gotta come up with something positive to say. Something. Anything.

Okay, how's this ... while I can muster (sp?) the optimism ...

Whatever this is, it isn't serious and I'm going to be well. Healthy, whole and happy in the '007!

Happy New Year to all who still check in on the td (tracydacy).