Waiting to Exhale

I feel as though I've been holding my breath for the last 2-3 weeks as I planned for yesterday's big meeting. I don't know how many times I went over the details in my head. Last Thursday night I dreamt that I showed up an hour late for the meeting, the AV equipment was broken and the meeting ended before Jim Padilla got there. By the time he showed up everyone was filing out of the Grand Hall and he was asking my director, what the hell was going on. All the while I was shrinking and wondering to myself how much my unemployment checks were going to be.

Anyway, there were a few timing logistics that we had to work through but overall, everything went off very very well. I'd say that there were a good 800 people in attendance and Mr. Padilla's presence and his presentation - well they were great. He's such a dynamic and enthusiastic speaker and he always connects with our employees by mentioning his past connections with our organization and our building.

The F-150 Chief, Matt O'Leary, gave a great presentation too. He seemed very personable, and was easy on the eye. My Director, Bob, also did very well. Yep, everything came together the way I hoped it would. The way I planned it. I had a good day.

Now I've got to focus on the KNK weekend online crop. I need to get cracking on some examples for the challenges, but I don't want to just throw somthing together. With the crop coming so soon after yesterday's meeting, my brainpower is zapped. I've got a few ideas but for whatever reason they aren't translating all that well when I go to put them on cardstock. I can't let my dt girls or Angela down.

Did I mention that next week Dave has to go to OK for his job? Jared and Jordyn will be on mid-winter break and I will have to drive to my parent's every morning before coming to work? That means passing my job by 15 miles to drop the kids off, and then going that same 15 miles out of my way at the end of the day to pick them up. Instead of communting 60 miles a day it will be more like 120 miles a day. By the time I get home next Friday evening, I'm gonna be one mean momma. I guess in a way, I'm still waiting to exhale.

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Sometimes I Wish ...

I could stop the world and get off. Just for an hour. Maybe two. What would I do? I don't really know but I think it might involve a bit of screaming at the tip top of my lungs. I think it might also involve crying some serious tears too. Sounds to me like I'd take the opportunity to throw myself a pretty pity party.

The thing is I feel so much guilt about having these thoughts. What have I got to feel so bad about. I have three healthy and beautiful children. A husband, who despite getting on my last nerve as of late, he loves me and I love him. I have a fine home. I didn't lose my job two weeks ago unlike a few close friends of mine ... From all outside appearances, even from the view that only I am privy to, it would seem that I have no need whatsoever to throw a pity party. But the fact remains that I want to stop the world, get off, scream, cry, maybe even puke.

Aaaargh, there I go again. Oh the melodrama! This is why there are such lapses in my blog - I guess I just don't want others to know how crazy I feel sometimes ...

I know a large part of this has to do with the fact that I am planning a HUGE meeting at work where the president of the company will come and address our employees. So much planning. So much checking and re-checking. I so much prefer my writing role at work to my PR role. On top of the stress at work, Jordyn has some kind of stomach bug. It started at 2:30 AM night before last and it's still going on. She's getting a bit better but I hate it when my kids are sick AND my sleep has suffered which only compounds my anxiety and irritability. If I can just make it til next Friday, the meeting will be behind me... If!

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